rareexample

You’d think by now EA would have solved their incredibly predictable cluster fuck launches? I mean, fuck, they’ve been recycling the same game engine for years now. Every release is bug fixes and minor improvements. Alright, maybe I’m a little harsh, but that’s only because I spent the last 3 days trying to fix the game to remain at a competitive level online.

Clusterfuck #1. Purchasable Booster Packs, Equipment and Booster Slots

Why is this a clusterfuck? First off, it’s absurd to create the most realistic hockey simulation, then sprinkle it with toques, graphiti pads, cammo helmets or plain and simple Golden equipment… I mean what the fuck kind of contradiction is that? Here’s what takes the cake, you buy this shit to increase your player’s skills, with A FUCKIN CREDIT CARD. Can you sense the happy in my all caps? Kudos to the management team over at EA because this is a genius cash cow, but what a fuckin disasterpeice.

Clusterfuck #2. Configuring Purchasable Booster Packs, Equipment and Booster Slots

Ok, so with the combination of Helmet,Skates,Stick and Gloves you have 4 rows of slots, each row contains 3 columns of slots. Let’s do some math.

5+ is $2.25

3+ is $1.67

1+ is $1.12

Helmet ( with 3 boost slots ) $2.25

Skates ( with 3 boost slots ) $2.25

Stick ( with 3 boost slots ) $2.25

Gloves ( with 3 boost slots ) $2.25

Worst case scenario, upgrading your dude full pin is
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Equipment: $2.25 x 4 = $9

Slots: 4 Columns x 3 row of 5+ @ $2.25 = $45
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GRAND TOTAL = Suck my dick dollars. I mean $54

You’re reading this right, $54 dollars for virtually, fuck all. That takes balls. If you have a wife or girlfriend, I strongly suggest you don’t tell her you purchased this shit because she’ll probably stop fucking you. I’m lucky though, my wife is incredibly awesome.

Clusterfuck #4. The locking up of your unlocked purchased goodies

Oh wait there’s more. Once you purchase all your shiny gear. There’s a possibility of them not working. Here I was skating around with my fire skates and douche bag toque and my 95 slap shot power when all of a sudden I wanted to make changes to some of my attributes, everything I purchased became locked again. Couldn’t use anything I purchased.

Emailed EA, they offered suggestions, nothing helped so they told me to call sony. Did that, ya right, this is the bowels of suicidal tech support. Called EA, they escalated to tier 3 support. No response from them so had to take matter in to my own hands with some good old trouble shoot’n. I eventually solved my own problem by having to delete my entire account on ps3 loosing a bunch of shit, mostly time and sanity. Fix is here if you need it btw…

Clusterfuck #4. Disconnection Problems

There’s a slew of people having disconnection issues. Luckily I’m not one of them, but people on my club are having this problem. They claim not having it when they create a new PSNID, but my theory is the same that fixed my lock problem. Delete your account and re-create it.

Clusterfuck #5. Collision Issues.

Not really a clusterfuck but has been my main gripe with NHL series since 08. When I block the fuckin puck, that puck better not go directly through my body. Sticks, pucks, bodies going directly through sticks, pucks bodies just ruins the game. If I put a stick through your head, you’re probably not going to get up and there’s going to be a fuckin mess on the ice.

Conclusion

While this whole rant was incredibly negative, don’t get me wrong, best fuckin game ever and I know the crew over at EA worked like crazed monkeys to get this game out. This booster pack shit probably created lots of tension in team meetings and you can’t fix everything with deadlines I know so don’t take this to heart. I appreciate the hard work and magnificent game, minus these quirks.

Rock on.